The Theories of Dr. Sigmund Freud



Below are the assorted theories of the greatest mastermind in the world, Dr. Sigmund Freud.

Dr. Freud himself was born on sixth of May, 1856. He is the father of modern psychiatry and psychology in the same way that Jean-Baptiste Lamarck is the father of modern evolutionary theory.

Freud came across these many theories in a scientific and empirical method of observation and study. For example, while psychoanalyzing himself he vaguely remembered that he saw his mother undressing and that at the age of two-and-a-half he might have been sexually attracted to her; proof of the Oedipus Complex!

He also recalled feelings of resentment towards his father, proof he wanted to kill him as an infant.

Freud is now considered the greatest mind to have ever walked the Earth and is heralded as the most brilliant thinker of the 20th and 19th centuries combined.

=Oedipus Complex =

All little boys are born with a penis. This penises causes them to want to kill their father and sleep with their mother. I know it is difficult to believe, but hear me out. This is called the Oedipus Complex, and it is widely accepted among ultra-Orthodox Freudian psycho-analysts. Still don't believe me? It is quite clear that you are reacting violently to such a suggestion that you would sleep with your mother because it is a repressed thought. This proves the theory!

Electra Complex
All little girls are born without a penis. By virtue of the previous theory of the Oedipus Complex being true, this means that the little girl is incapable of wanting to kill her father and sleep with her mother. However, seeing as how she wants to (don't deny it, you're just suppressing what you know is true), she develops "penis envy" and secretly desires to have a penis.

Now, eventually she realizes she can't have a penis, so she cries sour grapes and acts the opposite way to boys. This explains human gender roles perfectly.

=Cocaine =

Cocaine is a wonderful drug with no negative side-effects. It is the new miracle drug and will be able to cure everything from incompetence to the common cold. You should go out and get some.

Dr. Freud, being such a genius, could not possibly be wrong about cocaine!

=Religion =

Religion is an illusion created by the mind to fufil its wihes. It is a response to an inner psychological conflict (the Oedipus complex). It results in ambivalent feelings towards the father. They are repressed, and these feelings appear in dreams and neurotic symptoms. Religion is the chief neurotic symptom.

Religion causes compulsive attention to detail and produces powerful feelings of guilt when its demands are not met. The figure of God is equivalent of the father figure and its regarded with the same ambivalence.

It also gives gives a reason for suffering and offers God as the explanation for society's laws.

Freud concluded that religion should be overthrown since it has resulted in conflicts of its own making and has impded human progress. it should be replaced with science.

=Pages related to everything =


 * Penis


 * Your mother