Penis



Penises are a large variety of parasitic worm that attach themselves to the males of almost every species on Earth.

Penises feed on their host their entire lives. This prevents the full circulation of blood to the brain and causes the male brain to be malformed and be constantly linked with that of the parasite, further decreasing rationality in the male. Men, as such, quite literally think with their penises, as their brain and the parasite are inexorably linked.

Given this, it is no surprise that men are frequently found to be the less intelligent of the two sexes. However, the penis gives the male near limitless strength when its existence or honor is at stake. Males thus tend to be violent when the size or virility of them or their penis is questioned, even by themselves. This is known as "compensation"; when the penis is smaller or perceived to be smaller, the outward violence of the male is increased.

On an unrelated note, war is a constant feature of human history.

Penises generally take full control of their host's body starting at around age 12. The process is usually complete by age 13 or 14, although some cases have proved to be exceptionally resistant to the effect of the parasite.

Penises, as parasites, are demanding. Once having taken control of the body, they attempt to breed with human females almost constantly in an effort to either please themselves or create new penises.

How to tell if you or a loved one is infected with a penis
The first step is to take off your clothing. The next step is to grab your groin. If there is a large (or small, as the case may be) worm-like object where your genitalia should be, you have a penis.

Do not panic if you do have a penis. Call your doctor immediately and ask him for what you should do not. If a doctor is unavailable, call your local Rabbi and ask for a special surgery known as "circumcision." This procedure kills the parasite but leaves its body largely intact. This should suffice until you can get a proper surgeon to remove the worm.

=In popular culture =



Penises are featured prominently in popular culture. They are the subject of virtually every book, movie, dream, sentence, and thought one has ever had. Penises play such a large role in human cognition that it is believed that all of human society is structured around the penis and the concept of the phallus.

All architecture is based on the penis. The reason that most buildings are phallic in shape is because the building is an outward projection of the virility and strength of the penis. Those buildings which are not shaped like penises were intended to be shaped like penises, but their original designs were suppressed by the architect's subconscious.

There are significant portions of the population who disagree, but it is generally agreed amongst scientists that these people are in a state of denial because they have a severe case of penis envy.

=Related Pages =


 * Girls